woah.. two update in a week? i muz be bored :D

then again.... till now i've no hmwk..(hooray for first week, though i heard from yvonne that tmr.. principles for animation WILL have hmwk =.=) and besides.. smth happen today so i wanna blog it out.. partly cuz it's bothering me and partly so that hopefully by typing out.. i'll unds more abt it :X

let's see.. had 3DD today... which is a step up from last sem's 2DD. .________. so first part of lesson, we went through some old theory and some new ones.. i tried really hard to listen.. (REALLY) but well, it made me sleepy so i used my laptop and TRIED to multi-task. not too successful though .______.

anyways... today class work was trying to see an object in simple shapes like cube, cylinder...etc. So we have to draw an object out, using the simple shapes er, i mean form?

i had no idea wat to draw...since my friend beside me was drawing gun... i felt like drawing one too. I didn't want to be exact as her so i discarded pistol.. rev is to bulky with the reload chamber....sniper, there's weird shape...shotgun, can't find an interesting one.. till i realise that alice carried a shotgun... so model solved :D i drew a simpler shotgun then the one i found in google. it's still a shotgun but it looks different then the one in the pic la...

ok so i took my sweet time finding the model and drawing it out...

next, we had to ink it in... and the next step will tell u why is this necessary..

tada.... we had to ink it because we had to render the image =.= rendering is basically shading...ALTHOUGH.. rendering in my mac dict is : Computing the processing of an outline image using color and shading to make it appear solid and three-dimensional. so i had to shade a lot.. then she wanted it to be dark so 6B!

hmmm.. i started out with HB but a lack of time forced me to switch to 6B half-way through :X so shade~ shade~ trying to complete it before class ends...

hmmm.. that's when the issue happens... it's nothing bad... but i dunno wat to make of it u see.. when u do ur own drawing /shading / u create smth on ur own... u will tend to not view ur creation in the same way as others.. u will get so used to every line, colour/shade until u are not even sure if wat u are doing is correct or wrong... don't u agree? it's ok if it's the anatomy... but u can hardly judge ur own drawing anymore... even the worse drawing is ok to u...

so my dilemma is this.....i was praised by 3 ppl(? dunno the exact number... was concentrating on getting the render correct) for my rendering... but i dunno if they were praising me because it was good OR because the picture came from me and that is a good picture coming from me, from wat ability they think i have...

i'm insecure... i always am...and will always be..

i got to admit.. the hols workshop helped me.. PLENTY.. i learnt that by moaning that it's impossible to do this, it's hard to do that , it's crazy to even attempt that.. does not help one bit.. all i'm doing is wasting my time and i'll end up rushing... (look at my contest entry) so the best method is to throw urself into it... juz try.. juz get smth out.. nvm crappy or not because by doing smth abt it, by starting it, half of the battle is alrdy won. It's harder then it sounds and i still have much to learn.. still have the same battle fighting each time, still have the same fear that it will fail....but if i dun do smth abt it , i'll nvr know, i'll regret.....

i gain confidence.. or false bravado at the least... from the hol workshop...

take mon for an instance.. we had perspective drawing and had 3 in-class exercise to do. I look at the first one and decided to take an analytical approach... see wat comes first.. see what is needed to be done first then what is next...it worked well.. and i managed to complete it w/o much problem.. (not bragging here =.=) so the next one is more challenging and an analytical approach won't work.. we had to draw floor tiles in perspective.... so i seeked help... from my friend.. and well, with her pointers and learning her lesson (dun draw too many floor tiles, the lines will overwhelm u) two down, one more to go...

last one was way challenging and i juz threw myself into it... juz whack and with many errors later.. it was done (whew...) another friend then ask me how to do number one and two and i juz explain.. nvm that i'm not too sure that my method is correct.. nvm that deep down, i fear that she will say that it's no good... nvm that i still am insecure.. see... false bravado .__.

ANYWAY... bottom line is that i got some confidence in my drawing skill now.. i dun care if a wall is in front of me... or a castle is in front.. if thinking don't help.. then plan R (for reckless (: ) juz throw in my best and hope that it work lor.....

i might not win the war in the end and i might be giving ground.. but i will know that this loss is worth it.. this loss is nothing to do with me lying down and waiting for things to happen.. from now on.. i'm gonna make it if it does not happen. what's my aim? to win this war and walk the path that i had wanted to walk since sec 3... since the first time my eyes was open to that world..

wan yi, don't think about wat happens if failure arrives.. wat u're gonna do if i fail.. keep ur head facing forward.. cross that bridge unwillingly.. fighting each step that u take..trying every avenue to escape walking that road... DO EVERYTHING possible before giving up.... because u know, there's not a single speck of interest in that path...
and dun forget to keep ur small flame of interest for the other path (: ganbatte!

why are my posts so long? o.0

hope this will brighten the day after my dready post :D

guess who's looking at u (:

curiosity didn't kill the cat